


Like My Father (But Bolder)

by azulaahai, ByTheLordRuler



Category: Stormlight Archive - Brandon Sanderson
Genre: Canon Divergent, Dad-linar, Dalinar interludes, M/M, Mutual Pining, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Shameless Hamilton references, we're innocent, we're reading wor so please don't spoil oathbringer lmao
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-10
Updated: 2018-07-10
Packaged: 2019-04-21 02:14:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 13,488
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14274714
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/azulaahai/pseuds/azulaahai, https://archiveofourown.org/users/ByTheLordRuler/pseuds/ByTheLordRuler
Summary: There being no servants to push around, no soldiers to reprimand, no Dalinar to complain to, Kaladin was bound to be the victim of the kings unquenchable need to bemoan everything and everyone.Or: while on guard duty one late night Kaladin learns something new about the king.





	1. You Shouldn't Continue To Serve

**Author's Note:**

> All titels shamelessly stolen from Hamilton

Elhokar refilled his cup of dark violet wine. The king seemed to be doing that a lot. Drinking. Kaladin had involuntarily started to notice- it was difficult not to pick up on the Kholins family different habits since he had given the job to guard them day and night.

Kaladin had never felt the urge to drink himself to oblivion. It would be leaving himself vulnerable, physically and mentally, and Kaladin wasn’t planning to let someone get the best of him ever again. 

Kaladin leaned idly on the wall, the large balcony doors next to him. 

It was something that hadn't occurred to Elhokar as he drank away whatever problems he could imagine himself having. Kaladin sighed deeply, mentally preparing himself for this long night. There being no servants to push around, no soldiers to reprimand, no Dalinar to complain to, Kaladin was bound to be the victim of the kings unquenchable need to bemoan everything and everyone. 

Elhokar looked up at him, his eyes slightly dim. Kaladin forced himself to not look away, pressing down the embarrassment of being caught watching the man. 

“Elhokar’s eyebrow were drawn together in confusion as he studied Kaladin with an expression Kaladin could only describe as dumb.“What are you doing here?”

Kaladin sighed inwardly and settled for the least hostile answer he could manage.   
“Doing my job, including keeping your majesty alive”

Elhokar shook his head annoyed, his drunken mind overlooking Kaladin's mocking tone “No, here, at the shattered plains. You could have gone anywhere...” Light eyes flickered towards the large open balcony. “Instead of watching this crumbling of a nation”

Elhokar failed to notice Kaladin’s lack of a response, his voice going distant as he continued. 

“I'm losing, the authority, the power.”And there it goes. The endless complaining Kaladin thought as he resisted the urge to bang his head into the wall. “They all talk behind my back, calling me weak, incompetent, unfit to rule …thinking I don’t hear them...well I do and I know I’m not my father nor will I ever be—

Kaladin blocked out the endless noise, letting his thoughts drift. 

And suddenly it was silent.

Kaladin eyes quickly found Elhokar at his desk, expecting the white robed assassin standing behind the king, shardblade in hand.Instead he meet a considerably less ominous sight.   
Elhokar with a bitter expression.   
“You agree with them, don’t you?”

“Yes” Kaladin replied flatly.

Elhokar looked ready to throw a fit. But to Kaladin's surprise, the man slumped back into his chair resigned, refilling his cup once again. “Why do I even bother…” he mumbled into his cup “You of all people wouldnt understand” 

“No one would understand” Kaladin bit out “Cause there is nothing _to_ understand”

Kaladin knew he shouldn’t let himself get caught in a conflict with this man. Yet there was something within him that burned with anger as Elhokar sat there feeling sorry for himself “Hasn’t it occurred to you that they’re simply are right about you?” 

“So, Dalinar thinks so as well” 

“What...no, that not w—”

“Is this how he talks about me in his camp? You must know, being around him all the time”

Kaladin stalked forward to the desk, facing Elhokar, who seemed to grow smaller in his chair.  
“I speak only for myself” Kaladin held Elhokar eyes as he put his frustration into words “You think your life is so difficult, yet all you do is live your life of luxury, pretending you’re something more than the perfect puppet for the highprinces.  
Kaladin shook his head  
“Dalinar is the only one who believes that you’re capable of anything, and trust me when I say he is alone on that front. Without him you’re nothing” 

Elhokar’s stood up, his chair falling violently behind him, grabbing the front of Kaladin’s uniform, wrinkling the fabric “You better watch your mouth, dark eyes, or I'll send you back to Sadeas in chains for your insolence” His breath heavy with wine, eyes glinting with anger yet they seemed more sharp, lucid. 

“I’d love to see you try” Kaladin growled out, gripping his spear, knuckles whitening. Storms, you’re here to protect the king, not try and kill him. 

Elhokar grip hardened, he could feel the fingers digging into his chest. However his eyes were hesitant, lips stained with wine searching for words. 

“Get out” The voice low and somewhat defeated. 

“You know I can’t” 

“I don’t care! There isn’t anything can do to protect me anyway” Elhokar’s eyes suddenly scanned the room, taking on a frantic edge.“They don't ever leave me alone”  
Elhokar leaned closer, whispering as if to prevent his illusions to eavesdrop “How do you make them go away?” The light of the spheres casting haunting shadows across Elhokars face. 

“They?” 

Elhokar didn’t answer, his eyes solely focused on his hand gripping Kaladin's uniform. 

“Get out” Elhokar repeated, his grip not loosening. 

Kaladin wrenched himself from Elhokars grasp, storming out the exist, surprising Drehy and Eth, who both stared at him in alarm. 

“Take over guard duty for the rest of the night”

It was all he could manage to say, before continuing his rageful exit

Kaladin needed to take a walk. A long one.


	2. With Only The Memories

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Elhokar has ... emotions. He doesn't like it.

They had not spoken in several days, and Elhokar was uncertain why it bothered him so.

He’d woken up the day after their quarrel with the taste of regret on his tongue, a vague ache that was far less serious than he probably deserved echoing through his head and an anger, unlike any he had ever known, making his blood boil, the heat of it directed towards the bridge boy.

Well, former bridge boy, Elhokar reluctantly corrected himself as he shifted in his seat. He was alone in his study, for once, two guards whose names Elhokar had never bothered to learn positioned outside the door to the king’s study. 

Elhokar was not fond of being alone - it left to much time for thinking.

As if in answer to his thought, something dark moved at the corner of his eye, and a shiver crawled up the king’s spine.

He wasn’t truly alone. Had not been so for quite some time now.

Elhokar closed his eyes. It did not help. He thought he could almost hear them creeping closer, the shadows approaching. A silly thought, of course.

They never made a sound.

He desperately scrambled to distract himself, to think of anything else than the shadows. His mind wandered, as it often did these days when left unchecked, to a certain commander of the guard. 

Kaladin (yes, Kaladin, his name was Kaladin, Elhokar couldn’t forget that even if he tried) (and he’d tried) had stayed out of the king’s sight for a rather impressive amount of time now, reporting only to Dalinar, and assigning others to guard Elhokar.

Elhokar ought to have him thrown out of the army, at the very least, for speaking to his king in the manor he had. One conversation with his uncle, and Elhokar should never again have to be threatened by a bridge boy.

(Former bridge boy.)

There were several reasons why Elhokar had not already spoken to his uncle, and he wasn’t exactly proud of either of them.

First, there was the ever-present doubt, gnawing at him even more intensely these days. What if he spoke to his uncle, and Dalinar did not believe him? What if Dalinar chose the bridge boy’s (Kaladin’s, damn it, Kaladin’s) side? 

They all already whispered of how crazy Elhokar was. (Some did more than whisper.) Perhaps this would be deemed another delusion of the king’s; another weapon to be wielded against him; Elhokar finding the gentle, good-natured new commander of the guard intimidating.

Secondly, there was the fact that Elhokar himself had revealed things during that night that he … would not want the bridge boy (former, fine, former bridge boy) to repeat. Elhokar had trouble recalling exactly what he had told Kaladin, his memory fogged by both wine and emotion, but he’d told him about the shadows, hadn’t he? 

And if Dalinar was not something to be used against Elhokar, then that particular secret certainly was. Enough of an excuse for someone to seize power from him, even, claiming Elhokar to be ill. 

He opened his eyes carefully, to glance around the room. The shadows were still there, lurking in the corner, and Elhokar once more closed his eyes. _They’re not real._

_They’re not real._

_They’re not real._

He was not calmed. (He never was.) But his thoughts became less frantic, his breathing more regular. _They’re not real._ Elhokar forced himself to continue his former line of thought.

The third reason he had not reported Kaladin to his uncle was perhaps the most embarrassing of them all, and it confused him. Elhokar felt a strange surge of emotion at the thought of Kaladin leaving, of never again meeting those dark eyes over the blue collar, of letting the “get out” he’d thrown after Kaladin be the last words ever spoken between them … no matter how very angry Elhokar was with the commander. 

 

He opened his eyes, the shadows still there but not as intimidating, having drawn back to the corners of the room once again, allowing Elhokar to at least pretend everything was normal.

(He was not very good at pretending.)

A moment of hesitation, then he got up from the chair, his steps still a bit reluctant as he walked towards the door.

He could not speak to his uncle, no - would not, not about this.

This, Elhokar would handle himself.


	3. A Man He Has Despised Since The Beginning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Moash is the friend we all...need.

Kaladin watched Elhokar and Dalinar at the edge of his vision, arguing. Dalinar talking slowly with patience. A patience Kaladin had yet to master, evidently by that night almost a week passed. He was currently doing all in his power to avoid being near the king.

It was terrifying how close their argument had gotten to a real fight. What terrified Kaladin more was his inability to control his anger. If the argument had escalated further...he could only imagine Dalinar's disappointment.

Failing Dalinar’s trust made Kaladin feel...wrong.

Elhokar raised his voice, making Dalinar frown deeply. Kaladin still couldn’t make out what they were saying.

There was something off about Elhokar. His posture tense, eyes a little too skittish -as they had been that night. Kaladin still wasn't sure what to make of the kings words and actions that night. The desperate look in his eyes, the grip on Kaladin's uniform, a silent begging, while demanding his leave.

“I don't understand how he puts up with that” A voice spoke up too close to Kaladin. He recognized it immediately by the harsh tone. Moash.

Kaladin grunted in agreement.

Moash leaned against his spear, following Kaladin's gaze, “The stories of king Gavilar are legendary, his glorious conquests, his struggle to unite Alethkar are known throughout the whole nation” Moash frowned “That this fool is his son is laughable”

“His glorious conquests, were only made possible by wading in blood. At least Elhokar won't execute a man for simply offending him” _Though he seemed pretty willing to sell you back to Sadeas._

Moash gave him a funny look “Are you defending him?” Affably shoving Kaladin, his tone light, though his eyes held a serious glint. “The lighteyes getting to you, Kal?”

Amaram, shardblade in hand, pitying expression, flashed before his eyes. Kaladin gritted his teeth. “Not likely”

Moash seemed satisfied with the answer, turning his attention back to the king who finally seemed to have given up on the argument with Dalinar. Kaladin could only hope Elhokar hadn't mentioned their...falling out.

“But it is our job to keep them alive, and that’s what we are going to do” Kaladin reminded Moash, though he wondered which of them really needed the reminder.

Moash shoot him a sideway glance and nodded.

Kaladin's eyes found their way back to Elhokar once again, as the man now strode towards the exit of Dalinar´s study, and as if noticing Kaladin´s gaze on him, he stopped. Hesitantly turning toward where he and Moash were standing.

Kaladin couldn't help but notice the few strands of hair that fell across Elhokars eyes. His hair was kind of a mess, like he hadn't gotten a good night sleep for quite some time.

The king hesitated at his spot, and to Kaladin's horror, he started walking towards them. He could sense Moash tensing up beside him.

_Damnation._


	4. A Message From The King

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Elhokar takes matters into his own hands.

It had been a bad day, and it was about to get worse.

Elhokar had been mulling over what measures to take against the disrespectful commander of the guard for quite some time, and had made little progress. He found himself growing more and more angry for every time he saw Kaladin speak to Dalinar without so much a glance in Elhokar's direction, for every night he found that Kaladin had chosen other men to guard him.

Elhokar would have to speak to him, of course, that much had been made abundantly clear. What he was to say, however - that was more difficult a decision. The most important thing, the king figured, was for him not to lose his temper again. This time, when addressing the bridgeboy (a bridgeboy, storm it, that was all he was, a bridgeboy) (well, former bridgeboy), Elhokar would remain calm, cool, collected. Kingly. (Like his father would have.)

Well, his ability to stick to that plan was going downhill quite quickly. Not only had his argument with his uncle left Elhokar in a foul mood, but in addition, his now week-old, repressed rage against Kaladin flared up within him as he approached the captain of the guard.

Elhokar met Kaladin's dark eyes and was aggravated to find them unrelenting, storming, without a trace of the respect for the king one would expect from a newly-promoted captain. Kaladin's voice was even as he spoke.

"Your majesty." A fool, they all called Elhokar, but he was unfortunately not foolish enough to miss the hint of sarcasm in Kaladin's greeting. Elhokar clenched his jaw, but forced himself to let the impertinence go unaddressed. Later, he told himself, we'll deal with that later.

"Captain", he said, clearing his throat, trying to sound authoritative. Elhokar found it to be harder than he thought it would - normally Dalinar would handle this sort of communication. "I have to speak to you."

A hint of surprise flashed by in Kaladin's eyes, and Elhokar was irrationally satisfied with the crack in the captain's facade. The other guard beside Kaladin - Elhokar forgot his name - Marsh? Mish? Something like that - seemed taken aback by Elhokar's statement too, a totally illegal threat rising in his dark eyes. Elhokar unwillingly took a step back.

"Speak of what, your grace?" Kaladin asked a second too late. Elhokar blinked. Questioning the king again? Storming man.

"An important matter." That was as specific as he would like to get, out here in the open, with prying eyes and curious ears and that other guard that was staring daggers at Elhokar standing beside them.

Kaladin opened his mouth to protest, but Elhokar would not have it. He had been concerned about this for too long. It kept him up at night, and the Almighty knew Elhokar had enough worries to keep him up at night as it was, thank you very much. He would settle ... whatever this was with Kaladin, and he would do it tonight.

He tilted his head up and met the captain's gaze.

"You are to be on guard duty tonight in my study", he said, and for a moment, just a moment, Elhokar felt every bit a king. "I will be expecting you."

He turned to leave, half expecting Kaladin to call out after him. But the day remained silent as the king stepped away - the sun was out, Elhokar saw now. He had not noticed before.

He noticed something else, too, walking there in the sunshine, the cool air refreshing as Elhokar took a deep breath. 

The shadows had, for the first time in several days, left him alone when he spoke to Kaladin - they'd disappeared from his peripheral vision entirely, gone like thieves in the night.


	5. Don't Laugh

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Angry Walk

Kaladin strode across the warcamp. An occasional raindrop fell on him as he made his way to the king's palace. 

 

Syl darted around, trying to catch the raindrops in her illuminate hands, frowning when they just passed through her. Giving up, she returned to Kaladin’s side

 

“You shouldn’t frown so much” Syl pointed out “You’ll get wrinkles”

 

“You frowned just now”

 

Syl crossed her arms “But you do it all the time! I fear it’s starting to get unhealthy” She flew closer, inspecting his face “Now that I think about it, maybe your face has always looked like that. I’m sorry, I shan’t mention it again” She teased further. 

 

Kaladin decided not to dignify the comment with a response, simply glaring at Syl. 

 

She rolled her eyes, before realization lit in her eyes and soon a devilish look grazed her face. 

“But I sense there is something of a different nature bothering you tonight” Syl broke into a grin “Something to do with our gracious King Kholin”

 

“Thought you hated him” Kaladin said, trying to steer the conversation in a different direction.

 

She tapped her chin “Pity is the more correct term”

 

Kaladin scoffed “Why? He pity himself enough as it is”

 

Syl looked around suspiciously, lowering her voice.

“It’s the lies” Then she the broke into a girlish giggle. 

 

Before he could ask what in damnation she was talking about, a loud booming laughter startled Kaladin. As if just now noticing his surroundings, Kaladin realized that he had arrived at the king’s palace. The laughter could be traced to the two guards at the entrance, one man almost doubled over in laughter. 

 

His instinctive reaction was to lecture the soldiers of their apparent disregard of their duties. Yet, Kaladin found himself frozen in his path. A word. His mind had barely caught it.

 

_ The Queen _

 

In the context of some crude joke Kaladin would rather not repeat, but the word triggered a certain coldness in him. Like he had breathed out all the stormlight in a single breath, the absence of the vast power left him empty, unable to move for a moment, before realizing it wasn’t his to keep from the start. 

 

When there was a king there was usually a queen. Why had Kaladin assumed otherwise? 

 

For reasons unknown to Kaladin, he slowed his pace, letting the darkness cover him as he listed in on the conversation. 

 

“.....someone else back in Kholinar to satisfy her royal needs” 

 

“As if the king doesn't find his own amusements” The other man said doubtfully. Kaladin tried to place the voices, this one had to be.. Natam. 

 

“Ha! The man is to busy running from his own shadow” The first man’s voice turned  _ matter-of-factly  _ “That kind of distractions can affect one's performanc—

 

Kaladin immediately regretted his decision. He stepped out of the shadows, clearing his throat and interrupting the man he now recognized as Drehy. 

 

The continuation of that conversation was the  _ last _ thing Kaladin wanted to hear. 

 

Drehy and Natam saluted. 

 

“You realize this is the king’s palace you are guarding” Kaladin said, tone stern. 

 

”Uhm yes, sir” 

 

“I expect you to be alert at all times” Kaladin crossed his arms. 

 

“Of course” Drehy said, though he looked a little too amused to be sorry.

 

“I won't happen again” Natam put in.

 

Natam opened the door, smiling sheeply as he let Kaladin through. 

 

The moment the doors closed behind him, the laughter erupted again. Kaladin sighed and continued down the corridor. Large ornament vases was lining the passage- one vase had a intricate golden pattern and glowed with rubies. Kaladin wanted to throw it at someone. 

 

What was it that everyone found  _ so  _ amusing. Syl, Drehy and Natam...even the storming king and his smug face -demanding Kaladin be on guard tonight and knowing Kaladin couldn't refuse him. 

They all seemed to be a part of some grand joke. 

 

Kaladin pushes open the double doors at the end of the hall, almost growling.


	6. As We Wine And Dine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Elhokar does things he'll regret - Kaladin is sad and frustrated. In other words, things are like they always are.

Elhokar was nervous almost constantly. He was nervous as he ate, he was nervous as he slept; he was nervous during conversation, he was nervous in silence. He knew his own anxiety like the palm of his hand by now - a fact that made the realisation he'd just come to all the more surprising:   
  
Tonight, he found himself being an entirely new kind of nervous. It was a strange feeling - Elhokar had an anxious knot in his stomach, but there was also something different pulsing through him, something akin to anticipation, as if part of him was almost looking forward to his upcoming confrontation with the captain.   
  
The sun was setting over the Shattered Plains as the king watched from his balcony. Kaladin would be here any moment now. The captain of the guard was not usually one to be late - Elhokar was surprised at his own knowledge of the fact, surprised that he cared enough to take note of such a trivial detail as Kaladin's punctuality.   
  
Elhokar had ordered that food for two be brought to his study, and a servant had carried in a tray with two portions of the same delicious-smelling meal half an hour earlier. Both plates had been tasted for poison, the servant assured Elhokar when he inquired, but the king felt a jolt of fear anyway as he weighed the risks against his own hunger. 

 

Elhokar did not enjoy food the way he used to - not since he heard of that new Veden poison that could take up to a week to kick in, killing its victim slowly, almost unnoticeably at first. Not even an Alethi king could have his food tasted a week in advance, and so, Elhokar no longer ate with as much pleasure.   
  
A knock on the door interrupted his depressing line of thought, and - acting on impulse - instead of calling out “come in”, Elhokar got to his feet and opened the door himself.

 

The king, of course, knew who would be waiting on the threshold, but he still found himself a little taken aback as he stood face to face with Kaladin, a storm raging in those dark eyes of his. He seemed angry - well, even more so than usual. Elhokar took a step back.

 

“Come in”, he muttered.

 

The captain of the guard obeyed him. Elhokar could feel his eyes on him, as he walked around the desk, taking a seat, gesturing for Kaladin to do the same. He did, with a thinly veiled reluctance that hurt Elhokar more than he cared to admit.

 

It was a lonely business, this being king. Never knowing who to trust. Elhokar lifted his cup to drink, suddenly feeling a surge of regret. This might have been a terrible, terrible idea.

 

The captain of the guard looked just as uncomfortable as Elhokar was feeling on the other side of the table. With a hand gesture, Elhokar bid him to help himself to the food and wine, but Kaladin just sat there, unmoving.

“Eat”, Elhokar said. He sounded more vulnerable than he’d intended. “Drink.”

 

“I can’t drink”, was the captain’s not-so-encouraging reply. “I am on duty, remember?”

 

Right. Kaladin was forced to be here. He did not spend time with Elhokar on his own volition.

 

No one did.

 

“Eat, then.” A moment passed, then Kaladin did as he was told.

 

Following Elhokar’s orders. Because he had to.

 

There was something quite depressing about this meeting, all of a sudden. 

 

“Your majesty”, the captain said after having taken a careful, measured bite of the food. “You wanted to discuss something with me?” Impatient, on edge, but professional. Eager to get this done with.

 

The lines Elhokar had rehearsed, the things he’d meant to say, suddenly felt flat, silly.

 

“Uhm”, he said. Strong start. “I … wanted to speak to you about … that night.”

 

Kaladin’s expression grew guarded, closed. “What of it, your majesty?”

 

“I … said some things I … shouldn't have said.” This was not part of the plan - but strangely, it felt right, in some way. “I apologise. I … What I said of Sadeas …” He didn’t remember the exact phrases he’d uttered that night, but he remembered the sentiment.

 

“I did not mean a word of it.” He stared down at his food. What in damnation was he doing? Stormfather, was he a fool! He’d called the captain here to reprimand him, to regain authority, reclaim control over the situation. And now, he was  _ apologising _ ?

 

Elhokar  _ never _ apologised. It was not kingly.

  
His father would never had uttered a word of regret to a storming  _ bridgeboy _ . (Well, former bridgeboy, but that was neither here nor there at this point.) 

 

But Elhokar was not his father, was he?

 

He’d never be. No matter how much he tried.

 

His  _ father _ had had loyal companions, fierce friends. His  _ father _ had never had to issue a royal decree just to get a bridgeboy who made him nervous in a new and not-unpleasant way to talk to him.

 

(Not to Elhokar’s knowledge, at least.)

 

And then he looked up at Kaladin again.

The captain was regarding him with a softer expression than before, looking almost tired. Those dark eyes met Elhokar’s, and for a moment, Elhokar thought he saw pity in them.

 

Oh, how he hated pity.

 

And suddenly, like a highstorm taking travelers by surprise, Elhokar felt that all-too-familiar anger rise in him. Frustration was never far from him, these days. (Especially not in the company of certain captains of the guard.)

  
And so he did something stupid. (He always did, didn’t he?)   
  
The king drank the last of the wine in his cup before extending his arm, staring Kaladin in the eyes, holding the cup out over the ornamental rug before slowly, deliberately, letting go of the cup. It hit the floor with a soft thump.

 

“Bridgeboy”, he said, and he could see the irritation beginning to build in the captain’s eyes. Strange, how easy the man was to read once you payed attention. (And storms, did Elhokar pay attention.) “It appears I have dropped my wine cup. Will you go fetch it for me?”   
  
He could almost hear a voice in his head, sounding suspiciously like Dalinar, telling him just how foolish this hollow display of power was. But Elhokar did not take his words back. Kaladin stared at him in rage-filled silence for a few seconds, before slowly rising from his seat.

 

Elhokar almost felt disappointed.

 

Kaladin went around the desk, picking up the cup from the floor, extending it to Elhokar without a word. Elhokar reached out a hand to accept it, his anger fading now as quickly as it had appeared, leaving behind a hollow shame, when his fingers accidentally brushed against Kaladin’s as they were holding the cup.

 

Then two things happened at once.

 

Kaladin dropped the cup, that once again hit the floor. Elhokar, surprised by the sudden movement, jumped to his feet, suddenly eye to eye with Kaladin only a few inches away. 

 

And Elhokar drowned in those storming eyes, so close, damnation, he was so very very close, Elhokar only had to move his hand a little, tiny, insignificant bit and he could -

 

He could -

 

He  _ would  _ have done that, he  _ would, _ but those eyes were so distracting, enchanting, there was rage in them, yes, but something else, too, something aching and longing and haunted that Elhokar recognised all too well, so  _ close _ , he was so -

 

A noise from outside found its way into the room. Laughter, from the other side of the door. As if a spell had been broken, Kaladin withdrew immediately, staring down at the floor, at where the wine cup still laid between them.

 

“Kaladin.” His own voice was hoarse, Elhokar discovered. Curious.

 

The captain did not reply, turning and - instead of once more taking a seat - beginning to walk towards the door.

 

“Kaladin”, Elhokar said again. It sounded like a plea. Elhokar was unsure what he was pleading for.

 

The captain of the guard looked back at the king over his shoulder.

 

“Whatever this is”, he said, and Elhokar knew he meant it, could hear the weight of the words, “needs to end. I - storms, I -” 

 

He took a deep breath.

 

“You’ve a kingdom to tend to. A war. And a  _ queen _ . There’s no room for this.”

 

“Kaladin”, Elhokar just said again. He hated how small he sounded.

 

“I’ll assign you a new set of guards in the morning, your majesty. And I don’t think I should be one of them.”

 

And then he exited the room, the door closing shut behind him.

 

Elhokar sat back in his chair, staring at the wine cup, still lying on the floor -

\- and saw the shadows creep back into his vision, once more lurking in the corner of his eye.


	7. I Don't Understand How You Stand To The Side

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> INTERLUDE - Dalinar

“With the new more efficient bridges we should be able to reach” Dalinar placed a calloused finger on the detailed map of the shattered plains “this point before the arrival of the highstorm. From our scout rapports, it should be a suitable position to make our first camp. The chasms should be wide enough that the parshendi can’t cross and the threat of an ambush will almost seize to be” Dalinar grew excited at the prospect that this might  _ actually  _ succeed “Elhokar, this is the opportunity we have been waiting for, I—”

 

Elhokar was not listening, in fact, he wasn’t even making the effort to pretend -leaning back in his chair with a faraway expression. Dalinar signed inwardly. He didn't blame the boy at the lack of attention. He had hold on far longer than Adolin ever managed. 

However, Dalinar could tell something was distracting Elhokar of late. It wasn’t the usual paranoia -one that Dalinar no longer could claim as an exaggeration on Elhokars part. Dalinar grew tense at the memory of the Assassin in White. A dark corridor, eyes alight, a storm brewing. 

 

When the light hit just  _ so,  _ when the shadows accentuated the rougher lines of Elhokar’s face, a different man sat in front of Dalinar. Dalinar ached with an old grief he imagined wouldn’t ever truly abandon him. 

Alas, when the moment had passed, Dalinar felt content at the sight of his slightly troubled nephew. The green eyes weren’t the keen ones burning with ideas that would shake the world. But they had a so very human quality -one that Gavilar never truly possessed. Dalinar tried to discern Elhokars expression, he couldn’t quite place it...

 

What  _ was  _ Elhokar looking at?

 

The youth still hadn't noticed the pause in Dalinar’s briefing of the, according to Elhokar,  _ foolish plan that was going to get them all killed. _

 

Dalinar turned around slightly in his chair, tracing Elhokar’s gaze to Captain Kaladin, who was standing at the entrance engaged in light conversation with a fellow guardsman.

 

Dalinar sighed, making himself comfortable in his chair once again. He had hoped he could get the two young men on agreeable terms. It had been going surprisingly well. Elhokar seemed to have taken a liking to Kaladin and his -if not paranoid- cautious ways. 

Something had changed. 

Kaladin was now seldom personally guarding Elhokar, and the lad hadn’t even come to him to complain about Kaladin’s -and therefore Dalinar’s- lack of consideration for his protection. 

 

“Dad—Dalinar” Elhokar coughed, seeming embarrassed for some reason. Regaining his posture, continuing in a low voice. “Did you always love my mother?”

 

_ Blood of my fathers,  _ did he want to avoid this conversation 

 

“I couldn’t, wouldn’t, do anything to compromise Gavilar and Navani’s marriage.

_ Storms, it still felt inappropriate to use her name in front of Elhokar.  _

“I have always been fond of your mother..ehm as I was Gavilar, them both being family. Ah, well, then I got married to Adolin’s and Renarin’s mother and well I..” 

 

Having finally earned Elhokar’s attention with his rambling, the young king looked at him with a raised eyebrow. “So you did?”

 

“In a way” Dalinar admitted.

 

Elhokar focus flickered away again, the odd expression returning

“And you just let her walk away?”

 

“I had to, your mother and Gavilar... it wasn’t my place to interfere”

 

“According to who?” Elhokar pressed further. 

 

“...Elhokar” Dalinar sighed “Is this what’s been bothering you? I know we have never truly talked about what has happened between your mother and I, and I understand if it's a source of discomfort to you”

 

“You didn’t seem so  _ understanding  _ when you were beating me up in my study” 

 

_ Right.  _ Unpleasant as it had been, Dalinar couldn’t find it in himself to regret his actions. It had been necessary, but of course he may have let himself go a bit overboard. He had been in a state of disarray -furious at Sadeas, grieving for all the men he lost, missing those he had almost left behind, while high on the sensation of just being alive.

 

Elhokar, noticing his hesitation, waved dispassionately with his hand ”Bah, Uncle, I’m not looking for an apology. And about my mother...I rather you kept the details to yourself, it isn’t really my business what you do”

 

Dalinar was surprised at Elhokar’s words. He had expected the youth to, well, protest more. Dalinar still wasn’t sure what Elhokar wanted out of this conversation. “So, why the inquire?”

 

Elhokar stirred uncomfortably in his chair. “I just” A sigh “nothing, what were you saying about...ehm...Highprince….?

 

“Aladar? I did mention him about an hour ago. Despite his earlier complaint he has now agreed to supply a few troops to the patrolling of the outer markets”

 

“Ah, good...good” Elhokar started to rise up in his chair  “Keep up the good work uncle, you’ll have to brief the plan with me soon” 

 

“But I just—“

 

It was hopeless. 

 

Elhokar was almost already at the entré, awkwardly giving Captain Kaladin and the fellow guard a wide berth, as he passed to exit. 

 

_ What is going on with that boy _ ?


	8. Shoulder His Legacy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dad-linar strikes again.
> 
> DALINAR INTERLUDE (this fic will be back to it's normal form shortly)

 

This  _ was  _ curious, Dalinar reflected as he walked towards the training grounds, with Kaladin, his only guard, on his left.

 

First Elhokar had appeared sullen and unfocused (more than usual), asking questions of things he’d never asked questions of before. 

 

And now Dalinar’s new captain of the guard seemed to be in a similar mood.

 

Kaladin was marginally better at hiding his feelings than the king, but for an attentive observer it was impossible to miss that he was … preoccupied elsewhere. It surprised Dalinar. What in the name of the Stormfather was making everyone around him feel so far away?

 

“Is everything well, captain?” Dalinar inquired, sounding more annoyed than he’d intended. 

 

“Certainly”, was the short reply.

 

“You seem … distant.”

 

“I am not.” Rather rude, though Dalinar decided to let the matter rest. He trusted the boy, storm him, and if the lad had personal issues of some sort, Dalinar supposed that was only to be expected at his age.

 

Nevertheless, Dalinar had a strange feeling as he entered the training grounds, Kaladin in tow, and saw Elhokar, already seated beside the sight of the duel. Dalinar’s nephew smiled at him, but when the king’s gaze instead fell on Kaladin at Dalinar’s side, his smile dropped, replaced by a reserved, almost sad look that puzzled Dalinar. Kaladin, on the other hand, seemed determined not to meet the king’s gaze, staring off into the distance.

 

The seats beside the king were already occupied, by highprinces and others seeking to grab the king’s attention, so Dalinar and his guards took a seat quite far away, to the left, where several rows of seats were empty and conversation was bound to be kept more private.

 

Kaladin at his side now kept glancing in the direction of the king, with an unreadable facial expression. Elhokar, on the other hand, did not once look at them. The confusion Dalinar felt was growing by the minute. 

 

“You keep close guard of the king”, he decided to say, when the brooding silence had gone on quite long enough for his taste.

 

Kaladin only grunted in response. A great start.

 

“I’m worried about him, you see”, Dalinar admitted, when silence threatened to fall once more.

 

“My men and I are doing everything we can to ensure his protection, highprince”, came the captain’s reply, uttered almost through gritted teeth. Speaking to him today felt a little like poking a chasmfiend with a stick.    
  


“I’m sure you are, but that’s not what I was referring to”, Dalinar continued on. Why did he keep up this rather unpleasant conversation? He felt a strange  _ need  _ to do so, an instinct telling him to speak of his worries to the captain. “I … he’s been so distant, of late. Rather like you, in fact.” Kaladin flinched a little at that, but Dalinar went on, again driven by that strange urge to speak his mind on the matter. “I fear the war takes a toll on him. So much … tension, so much pressure.”

 

“He has a lot of help”, Kaladin said, sounding surprisingly passionate, almost angry. “You … aid him in all he does.” They both knew Dalinar did a lot more than just aid the king, but neither of them were about to say so out here in the open. “He has his mother, his cousins …” A hint of pain in the captain’s voice.

 

“True, yet, even so.” They both looked towards the king. “A great burden, to be king. He compares himself too much to others, that one. His father, most of all.” 

 

Kaladin remained silent, but if Dalinar was not mistaken, his expression had softened a little.

 

“A great burden indeed”, Dalinar repeated, deep in thought now. “To be the son of a great man.”

 

“I don’t know”, Kaladin gruffed, his face again looking stern. “It sure comes with a lot of benefits. Power, and money, and a queen …” He pursed his lips and now Dalinar really must be mistaken, for he almost thought he saw a glimmer in the captain’s eyes.

 

“Still”, Dalinar insisted, pressing the issue one last time. “Can’t you imagine the weight on your shoulders? To have to carry your father’s legacy and inherit the expectations?”

 

Kaladin maintained his composure, but there was a storm raging in those dark eyes as he replied.

 

“Yes. Yes … perhaps I can imagine.”   
  
“I truly am worried about him”, Dalinar repeated again, more for his own sake than that of Kaladin.    
  
A moment later, when the duel was announced below and his son entered the grounds, and Dalinar, for a time, was distracted from the line of thought. The fighting captured his attention, and he did not notice that his captain of the guard refrained from watching the duel.

 

Kaladin’s gaze instead traveled in the king’s direction once more, and had Dalinar glanced at him, he might have seen the longing in the captain’s eyes.


	9. Summon All The Courage You Require

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A king, a bridgeman and a weapon storage

It was difficult for Kaladin not to miss his father as Dalinar gripped his shoulder, urging him to get some rest before walking away with his new guard escorts. He cursed himself when a stupid jealousy arose as Dalinar approached Adolin -pride in his voice as he embraced his son. 

 

Thoughts of his family came unbidden to Kaladin. He hadn’t seen his father or mother in years, but then it was only  _ grief, regret, guilt,  _ he couldn't return to that, he just couldn't. 

He forced away the thoughts, seeking Elhokar in the crowd until he caught the king making his way down to join Adolin and Dalinar. 

 

It would be so easy to just return to his barracks, simply letting the silence be upheld until it was the only thing remaining. It was, without a doubt, the coward’s way out, the route Kaladin found himself on more often then he would have liked. 

 

The triad talked amiably, but the way Elhokar kept glancing over his shoulder made Kaladin’s heart feel heavy. And suddenly he knew there wasn’t any more  _ returning to the barracks _ . Dalinar soon departed from the group, leaving only Adolin and Elhokar.

 

This was his chance. It wasn’t ideal, but it would have to do. He could handle Adolin.

 

He kept his posture straight as he walked towards the two ligheyes. Voluntarily.  _ Storms.  _

 

Adolin, being the first to notice him, assumed his smug smile. “Ohoy Bridgeboy! I must really have outdone myself this time for  _ you  _ to come congratulate me”

 

“Don’t flatter yourself, princeling” Kaladin crossed his arms “Though I did appreciate the opportunity to watch you get beat up”

 

Elhokar, at Adolin’s right, frowned.

 

Adolin shook his head, sweaty hair clinging to his forehead. “Clearly you weren’t paying attention” Adolin pointed a shardplate covered finger at himself “  _ I  _ was the one doing the beating up part”

 

“But that time when—”

 

“I did that on purpose!”

 

“The purpose of these duels is to make you look like a fool? Somehow that makes all the more sense”

 

“Now, who was the fool lying on his back in the training grounds begging me for mercy?” Adolin retorted, eyes glinting with victory.

 

He was -of course- referring to their fight but Kaladin couldn’t help but flinch at Adolin’s choice of words. He risked a glance at Elhokar, who looked decidedly offended in his royal uniform. 

 

Kaladin suddenly regretted ignoring Dalinar’s advice at some rest.

 

Keeping a stoic face, he turned his full attention to Elhokar. “Your assigned guards are indisposed at the moment” Kaladin hoped it sounded somewhat believable “I’ll be escorting you at your leave” 

 

Elhokar searched his face, eyes remaining hesitant, as if he wasn't sure Kaladin was talking to him. Not surprisingly. Not a word had been spoken between them since that night.

 

“Didn’t you just get off duty?”Adolin pointed out

 

_ Adolin really needed to shut up,  _ Kaladin thought, casting Adolin his darkest glare “There has been a change of plans” He hesitated, his gaze returning to meet Elhokar’s “Is that a problem, your majesty?” 

 

Elhokar continued to stare with wide eyes for a few long seconds, before shaking his head quickly. 

 

And then they stood.

 

In silence

 

Even Adolin had chosen this time for his yearly moment of silence.

 

Kaladin cleared his throat.

 

“Ah-ah yes, congrats again Adolin. I’ll be on my way then?” Elhokar said, looking up to Kaladin for an answer. 

 

Kaladin  _ almost  _ smiled. So different from the man throwing drunk tantrums and, ehm, cups. More like the genuine man trying to mend his mistakes. Kaladin still wasn’t sure which one Elhokar was -though he desperately hoped for the latter.

 

Kaladin’s eyes must have conveyed some affirmation because Elhokar started to walk. Kaladin followed his lead while ignoring Adolin’s confused looks. Fortunately, Adolin hadn’t too long a while to think about what just happened, as a group of sycophants swarmed him. 

 

Elhokar looked a bit more the king he was as he walked, posture straight and confident, but Kaladin could see him fiddling nervously with the handle of the sword hanging at his waist.

 

Now Kaladin only needed to get them somewhere they could talk unhindered. He wouldn't be able to walk the king back to the palace without additional guards. He  _ could  _ pretend there being an assassination attempt and then no one would object to him towing away the king. That, however, seemed a bit too excessive. 

 

“I’m guessing we're not going back to the palace.” Elhokar stated, eyes forward, as they walked side by side. 

 

“No” His voice rough, it always was. “Unless that is what you wish”

 

“It isn’t” Elhokar said 

 

His answer gave Kaladin the confidence to pursue his next question “Is there somewhere we could talk?”  _ Alone _

 

Elhokar seemed to get the implication, his gaze turning searching, before finally nodding towards the large weapon storage. It was actually a good cover, it would only seem as the king would look over the weapons and not…  _ and not what? _

 

Kaladin scanned his surroundings for any interested eyes, silently thanking Adolin for being his self-centered obnoxious self, as is significantly lessened the amount of attention drawn upon them.

 

Elhokar stumbled slightly over the threshold as he entered the soulcast storage. The spacious room had a impressively vast collection of weapons, lit up brightly by spheres. When the door closed shut behind them, cutting of the outside light, the pale blue cast made the room feel emptier and colder. 

 

They were alone. Things usually didn’t go so well in those situations.

 

“Let me start” Elhokar said with his back facing Kaladin before turning around with a regretful expression. “I wanted to say I’m sorry….again. I meant what I said that night. Not the first night that is, which I was trying to apologize for during the second night” Elhokar stopped his rambling to take a deep breath “I apologize for my deplorable behavior. And I heard what you said about” Elhokar gestured lamely between them, a slight redness to his face “needing to end and I understand” 

 

“Understand?” 

 

“Accept, that is” 

 

Kaladin fought to keep his voice steady. “Is that what you want?”

 

Elhokar dragged a hand through his dark hair, messing it up, spilling the black strands in front of the eyes that was no longer able to meet Kaladin’s. 

 

For a few cold moments, Kaladin couldn't breath, the room swallowing him whole. 

 

And then Elhokar shook his head, just once, a simple movement that meant everything. 

 

Kaladin took a step forward to gently swipe away the disarrayed strands. Kaladin’s hand was a bit to large, a bit to rough and scarred but Elhokar didn’t seem to mind, his voice warm as he asked “Is _ this  _ what you want?”

 

_ This, _ the proximity, the warmth, them. Kaladin nodded

 

Elhokars posture softened and he reached out a hand to place a hand at the side of Kaladin’s neck, thumb carefully stroking his jawline. No one had  _ really touched  _ Kaladin in a very long time. It made him feel safe and so much more.

 

He couldn't think of anything to say or do but to reach for Elhokar -needing only to angle his own head slightly downwards to reach- pressing their lips together. Tangling his hand in Elhokar’s hair -it was embarrassing to admit all the times he had thought about doing just that- letting his other hand rest upon a uniform clad shoulder.

 

Elhokar responded, but kept his hands hesitantly on Kaladin’s chest. Like he was still afraid to let them meet. Like the possibility that Kaladin could plunge a dagger into his chest and leave him to die, still existed.

 

When Elhokar’s hands found their way to his shoulders, gripping the fabric, a newfound confidence guided Kaladin as he pushed forward, making Elhokar retreat backwards until his back met the wall, their teeth clanking together at the fumbling action.

 

Kaladin doubted this was what Dalinar had in mind when expressing his worries for Elhokar. But Dalinar’s words had made him realize that Kaladin cared. That he cared a lot. Kaladin withdrew, making Elhokar open his eyes, the light almost blinding at the close proximity. “I’m sorry too for what I said the first night”

 

“No” Elhokar shook his head passionately “Don’t apologize. That’s my job as the king of this crumbling of a nation” 

 

The statement made Kaladin feel warm, but at the same time empty, as it reminded him who the man in front of him was. The King of Alethkar. The  _ married  _ King of Alethkar. 

 

His gloom was cut short. Footsteps. Kaladin refrained from the instinctive reaction to breathe in the stormlight, consequently draining the room of its light. Instead he quickly stepped away from Elhokar who had taken to straightening his uniform. 

 

If Adolin was the one coming through that door, Kaladin wouldn't mind sending him to damnation. 

 


	10. Look In His Eyes (See How He Lies)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Feelings. They have feelings. They talk about feelings. (They try.)

Elhokar ran a hand through his hair, desperately trying to gather his thoughts. He did not look at Kaladin, who had moved away, instead keeping his eyes on the floor, scrambling to put himself together.   
  
Too much, it was all too much to handle - Elhokar felt … overwhelmed. Insecure.   
  
When the door flew open, they both flinched, despite having heard the footsteps approaching. On the threshold stood the angry-looking guard, the one who was most often by Kaladin's side, and just like the last time Elhokar met this particular guardsman's eyes, he found them filled with rage and suspicion.   
  
"Captain?" the guard said, quickly looking away from Elhokar and refraining from addressing him, as if the king was not there at all.   
  
"Moash", Kaladin greeted the guard, and Elhokar tried to take note of the name. "… I … The king wanted to inspect the weapons in here, is all."    
  
Elhokar felt Kaladin's gaze on him as the captain spoke, but still, he did not look up.   
  
The guard - Mars? Stormfather, how could Elhokar have forgotten his name already? - did not reply to Kaladin's statement, and after a few moments of awkward silence, Elhokar realised he was expected to speak. He tilted his chin up, his eyes darting from Kaladin to the less-than-friendly guard (Mish? M … oshy?  _ Damnation _ ) as he nodded.   
  
"Yes … that's … I wanted to inspect the weapons" he muttered, sounding unconvincing even to his own ears.   
  
And then, on legs that to his eternal embarrassment were a bit unsteady, he stepped out of the storage, past Kaladin and what's-his-name and out into the open air, the chill of it filling his lungs and making everything feel a little less surreal.    
  
Elhokar felt both of the guardsmen's eyes drilling into his back as he walked through camp, unguarded, so thrown off balance that he didn't even manage to feel frightened by his own vulnerability, or the shadows that crept a little closer again.   
  
\---   
  
"Your majesty?" Kaladin said as he entered the room.   
  
It was the evening of the day of their … impactful weapon storage rendezvous, after a frustratingly unproductive afternoon of Elhokar's, during which he'd struggled to comprehend what anyone had told him. His uncle had seemed disappointed, but not surprised.    
  
Now that the captain of the guard had come into the room, Dalinar looked from one to the other with a bewildered expression on his face, as if trying to solve a puzzle.   
  
Kaladin opened his mouth to say something else, before abruptly shutting it when seeing Dalinar seated by the table diagonally across from Elhokar.   
  
"Evening, highprince", the captain muttered. "Forgive me, your majesty. I thought you were alone …"   
  
"I was just about to leave", Dalinar declared, his tone soft, almost reassuring when speaking to Kaladin, and Elhokar felt a sting of jealousy despite himself. Dalinar addressed the captain of the guard like a proud father addressed his grown son. (Not that Elhokar would know.)    
  
Dalinar treated Elhokar, on the other hand, as an absentminded toddler - on the best of days. On worse days, Elhokar thought sulkily, remembering a certain incident in his study during which the Blackthorn had earned his name, Dalinar treated him like a foolish brute, unwilling and unable to do anything productive.   
  
"I will stay, however", Dalinar now said, abruptly interrupting Elhokar's line of thought, "if you have anything to report?" 

  
He looked at Kaladin expectantly. The room suddenly felt a little smaller, and if Elhokar hadn't known any better he'd almost have thought the fearless captain of the guard, the bridgeman who turned himself into a commander and his bridge crew into a king's guard, the one who saved Dalinar's army, was  _ blushing _ .    
  
"No, I … I simply had business with the king."   
  
"What business might that be?" Dalinar demanded, now looking at Elhokar, his eyes narrowing.   
  
Elhokar knew the source of his uncle's suspicion. They'd agreed there'd be no more secrets between them, that Elhokar would pull no more stunts of his own, so … the king potentially privately plotting with the new captain of the guard? It must not look so good.   
  
"It is all fine and well, uncle", he said, in a tone he attempted to make sound both soothing and decisive. "It is none of your concern. I asked the captain to come discuss a minor matter." He was a very bad liar, Elhokar was painfully aware.   
  
"Are you certain I should not stay during this discussion?" Elhokar was tempted to ask him to do so, just to make his uncle regret that question. He doubted Dalinar wanted to hear whatever Kaladin had come to speak about.   
  
"I am certain, uncle." He didn't have to feign the hurt in his voice. "Can't you just  _ trust _ me?"   
  
And at that, Dalinar, with one last, lingering look from the king to the captain of the guard, seemingly decided to let the matter rest.  _ For now _ , Elhokar thought as he saw the poignant look Dalinar threw over his shoulder as he walked out of the room, bidding them both a good night.   
  
His uncle would no doubt have some questions for him in the morning.   
  
When the door shut close behind Dalinar, Elhokar took a deep breath and looked up at Kaladin.   
  
"You are a terrible liar", was the first thing Kaladin said, with an unreadable expression across that annoyingly appealing face.   
  
"I am not", Elhokar protested meekly.   
  
"Terrible", Kaladin repeated with the smallest of smiles, sounding almost in awe, somehow making it seem as if it wasn't an insult.   
  
"Why have you come?" Elhokar countered, a little bit more aggressively than he'd intended.   
  
That gave the captain pause, making him hesitate, and Elhokar, to his own surprise, was hit with a wave of affection towards the captain.    
  
It felt good, somehow, to know that he wasn't the only one nervous, for once.   
  
"I just … we were interrupted earlier …" Kaladin began.   
  
"By Mosh."   
  
"Moash." Elhokar couldn't tell if Kaladin was amused or annoyed by his mistake.   
  
"You were saying?" Elhokar urged.   
  
"Well … we were interrupted, and I just wanted to … I don't know … make sure we left things in … order."   
  
"Kaladin?" Elhokar said, the name tasting sweet on his tongue, much sweeter than a formal title.   
  
The captain of the guard didn't stop talking.   
  
"I don't really know what … I mean, what that was. In the weapon storage. I hope that's what you wanted, I mean, I asked you, but …"   
  
"Kaladin."   
  
"… it's complicated, this, and I don't know how … I mean … how this will progress - "   
  
"Kaladin."   
  
Finally, he looked up at Elhokar, who once again marvelled at the depth and intensity of those dark eyes.   
  
"What?" Kaladin’s voice broke a little. Funny - Elhokar had never heard it do that before.   
  
"Would you sit down?" It was a question, not an order, and they both knew it.   
  
"Why?" Kaladin asked, immediately suspicious. He was a lot like Dalinar, in that sense, Elhokar thought bitterly. Eager to mistrust Elhokar.   
  
"I just … I want you to sit down." A pleading streak in his voice again. By now, Elhokar shouldn't be surprised.   
  
"I don't understand …"   
  
"I want you", Elhokar said, louder than he meant to, "to stay."   
  
"Stay?" Kaladin asked, as if he'd never heard the word before.   
  
"For tonight. Stay a little while with me." Elhokar attempted a smile, pretending as if he wasn't currently violently ripping his own heart out of his chest and handing it to Kaladin saying 'I don't need this anymore, do you want it?'   
  
"I'm off duty", Kaladin said, and that was also a question.   
  
"Not as a guard", Elhokar said. "Just … if you want to.  _ Because _ you want to. Since  _ I  _ want to. I mean, I want you to stay. If you, hum, want to."   
  
Kaladin hesitated for only a moment, before carefully taking a step forward.   
  
"Then I'll stay", he said, voice low, earnest, eyes serious as he finally reached the table, taking a seat across from the king.   
  
And it wasn't that easy, of course - no matter what they all said, Elhokar was not a complete fool. He knew all the issues would not magically resolve themselves simply by Kaladin choosing to stay. It did not work like that. It was  _ not _ that easy.    
  
But for tonight, maybe just for tonight, it was.    
Maybe it could be.   



	11. See Them Walking In The Park (Long After Dark)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How long had it been? How long had it been? How long had it been? Too long

Kaladin was surprised how easily the guards let Elhokar leave the palace with only Kaladin at his side. Kaladin had initially thought they would stay in the king’s room but Elhokar had insisted on a walk, saying there wasn’t much to do inside. 

 

Kaladin could think of a few things, but...well he liked to walk too.

 

When they started to approach the final pair of guards at the palace exit, Kaladin had to ask. 

“Aren't the guards going to...you know” Storms, he had this man pressed against a wall and  _ now  _ he was unsure. 

 

Elhokar turned his head, rising a dark eyebrow.

“Stop us?”

 

Kaladin shrugged

 

Elhokar held an amused tone “You do know I am the king”  _ Unfortunatly  _ “And the king’s guards do not usually question the king”

 

“I was unaware” 

 

Elhokar laughed lightly. It was a very attractive laugh. His tense demeanor had significantly changed after Kaladin’s decision to stay, replaced by—

 

Elhokar smiled stupidly at the guards as they passed the final exit.

 

_ —That _

 

Thank the stormfather the guards weren’t from bridge four or Kaladin would never had heard the end of it. He wasn’t ashamed, but even the dullest chull realized that their relationship wasn’t of a conventional kind. Perhaps straight out illegal. Elhokar was married.  _ Stop.  _ Probably had a child too.  _ Stop. _ Kaladin breathed out a large breath, cleansing his mind the best he could.

 

_ Relax,  _ he urged himself,  _ just for tonight  _

 

Darkness dominated the lavish garden, though that didn’t stop Elhokar as he walked, admiring the garden like he had never seen it before. It was an odd sight, not that Kaladin was complaining, but it made him realize he didn’t know a lot about the man before him. What did Elhokar do when not in lockdown in his room - shardplate and shardblade at the ready - or broodingly staring out across the plains from his balcony. 

 

Kaladin fell in behind Elhokar, letting himself relax enough to appreciate the simplicity of walking. “So what is it we're doing here...exactly?”  _ Smooth, very smooth.  _

 

”Taking a walk” Elhokar answered simply, his steps light.

 

_ Are you not afraid?  _ ”Is that really safe?” Kaladin said, his gaze sweeping the area but finding nothing out of place. 

 

“You're here, are you not?” 

 

“I am” 

 

The statement making Elhokar turn around with a bright smile. White teeth in a perfect row. 

 

Kaladin melted, just a little bit, allowing himself to give a small smile back. 

 

Elhokar expression turned slightly stunned before diverting his eyes, lifting a hand to drag through his hair. Though he stopped himself midway in performing the nervous habit. Maybe the king had at last been made aware of it - Kaladin cursed whomever had told Elhokar. 

 

The wind swept past, reminding Kaladin how still it had become. There wasn’t any walking, no casual talking. Storms, he had made it awkward. 

 

He found Elhokar’s eyes intent, waiting. Kaladin fidgeted, grateful to have his spear in hand as it made his nervosity less obvious.  _ Say something.  _ Kaladin drew in a breath, mind scrambling before it set on the thing he had wanted to ask the second Dalinar left them. 

 

“So, Dalinar...he was really insistent on staying”  Kaladin looked away “He doesn’t  _ know  _ does he?”

 

Elhokar hesitated for a moment, reluctant to let go of the previous moment. “No, his suspicion doesn’t have anything to do with us. He simply has no trust for me anymore” Elhokar finished somewhat bitterly. 

 

Not wanting to pry but how else was Kaladin going to get to know the man. “How so?” 

 

Kaladin could tell he hit a sensitive topic - the king’s shoulders tensing - yet Elhokar didn’t dismiss the question. Just sighed. “Before you came into Dalinar’s service, I was having a difficult time convincing him of the threats on my life” 

 

Dalinar had expressed a concern to Kaladin that the king was imaging half of his assassins.

 

“Well, desperate to prove the reality of the threat...I may have faked my own assassination attempt”

Kaladin stared at the king, completely baffled. Had he misheard?

 

Elhokar spoke before Kaladin could. “I realize now that it was a mistake. The—

 

“A  _ mistake _ !!”

 

“A grave one, and I have gotten the lecture already. No need to do it again” Elhokar waved dismissively with his hand “And I’m guessing he believes I am up to something similar, scheming with my bodyguard”

 

Kaladin decided not to push the subject - Elhokar looking a bit too miserable -  though he took the opportunity to venture into something more serious.

 

“You know this, us, could be equally bad?

 

“I know” 

 

And Elhokar looked like he really  _ knew.  _ Yet neither of them made any attempts to elaborate. They both knew of everything that was wrong and of things that could never truly be, but perhaps verbalizing it made it too real. 

 

Finally Elhokar smiled slightly, gesturing with his head to continue the walk. Kaladin nodded and they started to walked side by side. “So all these assassination attempts, they aren’t just a ploy to keep me around are they?”

 

Elhokar looked offended, but his expression soon turned into an amused smile. 

 

Kaladin found it easy to fall into a simple conversation as they covered the rest of the garden, his nervosity slipping away. 

He almost didn't notice when they were back where they had started, the third moon risen in the east. 

 

Elhokar’s gaze flickered toward the palace. “So, I guess this is...”

 

“Ehm, yes, I should get going” 

 

A moment of silence. 

 

“You don't have to”

 

“What?” 

 

Elhokar blushed. “I mean, not in that sort of way and maybe forget it” Elhokar stood up a little straighter “Or maybe not” 

 

Had the king just proposed Kaladin to follow him back to the palace, now, at night. Kaladin looked back at the palace...the guards standing by the entrance.  He wished the king had not asked. 

He wished he didn't want to say no.    
  



	12. At His Own House

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kaladin makes a choice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Look, I ... I'm sorry.
> 
> Mild sexual content in this, be warned.

The world felt a little breathless, a little dreamlike, as Elhokar watched Kaladin’s expression go from shocked to hesitant to closed.

 

Stormfather, Elhokar hoped he had not just ruined everything.

 

”I - Not - Storms, I mean - you don’t have - ” He paused, collecting himself for a second, not meeting Kaladin’s eyes. The bridgeman had gone silent again. 

 

Elhokar did not dare look up to see what kind of silence it was.

 

”I only meant that”, he began a little steadier, trying to paint a kingly image, still keeping his eyes on his feet, ”if you want to stay, you can. I … would want you to, I mean. My … my bedchamber is very private. We shall not be … disturbed.”

 

He peered up at the captain, then, but Kaladin’s facial expression gave very little away - he kept his features guarded, dark eyes pools of shadows in the dimness of the night.

 

”You’d want me to join you in your bedchamber”, Kaladin repeated slowly. His hand, still gripping the spear, grew tense, knuckles whitening.

 

”Yes.” The truth, however strange.

 

”You realize”, Kaladin went on, still with that gravelly, low voice that did all sorts of things to the king, ”that this is a very dangerous thing for you to want.”

”I realize”, Elhokar nodded. And he did, truly, at least he thought he did - understand the gravity of this moment, this night, this decision. 

 

It was just that he’d ceased  _ caring _ . He’d ceased caring a drunken night and an apology and a weapon storage ago, and here he was, in the almost-darkness, and he wanted to go inside and he wanted Kaladin to go with him and that was all that mattered at this moment. Here, now.

 

”You realize”, Kaladin began again, but this time he took a step closer as he spoke, raising the hand not holding the spear as if to brush Elhokar’s cheek, ”that once we cross that line, there will be no return.” His hand made contact with Elhokar’s face, gently cupping it, as he looked him in the eye with an unnerving, but not unpleasant, intensity.

 

”I realize.” Elhokar’s voice shivered a little, but for once from something different than fear or anger. ”Kaladin - The guards -”

 

That seemed to snap the captain out of whatever had come over him. Kaladin immediately lowered the hand touching Elhokar, blinking as if having been freed from a spell.

 

”Your majesty, I -” he began, in an entirely different voice.

 

”Don’t call me that”, Elhokar breathed in a voice that sounded alarmingly whiny to his own ears. 

 

”I can’t do this”, he practically growled, voice cold, hard. ”I can’t. It’s … you’re a king. It’s too big a chasm to jump. Apologies.”

 

”Kaladin - ”

 

”No”, the captain cut him off, surprisingly loudly, drawing the attention of one of the guards by the palace in the distance.

 

”I can’t”, he said again, lower now, and it broke Elhokar a little.

 

_ Not again _ , he could not help but feel - he couldn’t quite keep the panic at bay at the thought of going back to cold silences between them, of being left in the shadows.

 

”Let me see you back to the palace, your majesty”, Kaladin said, sounding distant, resigned.  _ Come back here _ , Elhokar wanted to yell. But he could feel the captain slipping further and further away.

 

Not trusting his own voice, nor his temper, Elhokar kept silent as he stalked back to the palace, Kaladin following, indeed like a shadow. Elhokar looked straight ahead, focusing his eyes on the palace before him. The captain moved almost without a sound behind him. Swift, steady. A soldier to the bone.

 

A bitter taste in Elhokar’s mouth at the thought.

  
  


They parted at the palace doors with only a nod in farewell, the guards looking somewhat puzzled as the famed dark-eyed commander stormed off into the night, leaving Elhokar on the palace doorstep, feeling strangely hollow.

 

Elhokar went up to his chambers alone.

He laid awake for hours.

  
  


_____

  
  
  


Bam. Bam. Bam.

 

A steady, rhythmic knocking on his bedchamber door shook him out of the restless dormancy he’d manage to fall into, and confusion clouded the king’s mind in the dimness of the chamber.

 

Then, fear - irrational, all-consuming fear grabbed him with a hold of steel. Vivid imaginations of white-clad assassins and faceless shardbearers came to mind, but after the initial moments of panic after having been startled awake had passed, Elhokar realized a simple truth.

 

Assassins, typically, did not knock.

 

He got out of bed, then, heart still somewhat racing, his still sleep-drenched body not quite obeying his commands as he sort of stumbled towards the door.

 

And opened it.

 

They all called him a fool and perhaps they were right, because despite clear indications he was taken completely by surprise when he saw Kaladin standing on the threshold, his dark eyes looking  almost desperate in the light of the spheres in the corridor.

 

”Evening”, Elhokar mumbled, still not quite convinced he was not dreaming. (Kaladin might be surprised to learn just how many of Elhokar’s dreams of late had included … similar scenarios.) 

 

”It’s morning, Elhokar”, Kaladin almost whispered. ”The sun is nearly up.”

 

”Well, then”, Elhokar mumbled. ”You come to wake me up?”

 

A concern struck him - suddenly the king felt wide awake.

 

”Wait. How did you even get in here? Is this the security you keep? Storm it, Kaladin -  _ anyone _ could sneak in the same way you did! How do -”

 

”Easy, Elhokar”, Kaladin muttered, and Elhokar could have sworn he saw some amusement in the captain’s eyes. This might have been the first time Kaladin ever called him just by his own name. 

 

Elhokar quite liked it.

 

”I just spoke to the guards, that’s all. They know me, remember? I simply said I had to speak to you, urgently. I’ll think of some cover story later.” Kaladin sounded nearly haunted, and Elhokar softened again. Something about the captain seemed to do that - soften his most extreme sides - quell his fear, soothe his rage. It was both liberating and terrifying, the thought of the captain holding that kind of power over him.

 

”I couldn’t sleep”, said Kaladin, voice still haunted.

 

”Me neither.” His own voice sounded sleepy, and Kaladin’s lips tugged upwards in a small smile. Strange. Elhokar was sure he’d never seen the bridgeman smile as much as he had during this night.

 

”It sounds like you slept.”

 

”I slept a little.”

 

”I didn’t sleep at all.”

 

”Show-off.”

 

”Can I come in?”

 

”Yes” - the word slipped out of Elhokar before he could stop it. He had not meant to sound so eager. Kaladin did not seem to mind as he stepped over the threshold.

 

Strange, to see the bridgeboy in here - his ragged appearance made for a sharp contrast to the luxurious furniture and overall splendor of the chamber, making Kaladin seem somewhat misfit in the grandness of the room. Elhokar felt a little vulnerable, like this, Kaladin having come to his chamber with unclear intentions. 

 

Suddenly the king was acutely aware that he was not wearing a shirt, a fact that had escaped him in the confusion of having been so abruptly awoken.

 

An awkward, pregnant sort of silence fell between them - Elhokar was unsure how to break it. It was  _ Kaladin _ who had come to  _ him _ , this time, after all - shouldn’t the captain then be the first one to speak?

 

He was, though it took an Almighty while.

 

”I’m sorry”, Kaladin whispered, finally. The dim chamber seemed to turn a little warmer, at that. ”About earlier. I screwed it up, didn’t I? I do that a lot. With everything, really.”

 

Silence, again. Elhokar crossed his arms over his naked chest, more in shock than anything. 

 

_ The captain _ thought he screwed things up? 

 

Kaladin Stormblessed, the youngest, most renowned and beloved commander in the war camps, the first dark-eyed in his position, who had led his men from beneath bridges to become the royal guard?

 

The man who had won Dalinar’s respect after mere weeks in a way that Elhokar had yet to accomplish after twenty-seven years?

 

_ This  _ man thought himself a failure?

 

Elhokar was just about to open his mouth and tell the captain just how wrong he was, when Kaladin spoke again, holding eye contact with the king with heated intensity.

 

Those dark eyes would be the death of him.

 

”I don’t want to fail at this”, Kaladin breathed, taking a step closer. Elhokar’s heart raced like a chasmfiend on the run in his chest - if the captain took another step or two forward, he would probably be able to  _ feel _ it beating. ”I don’t want this to end. I  _ should _ want that”, Kaladin quickly added, almost as if trying to remind himself.

 

”But?”

 

”But I, uhm, just can’t seem to.”

 

”Kaladin?”

 

”Yes?” 

 

”Why did you, uhm, come back here?”

 

Elhokar hoped that he already knew the answer.

 

Kaladin did not reply at first, not verbally, his throat bobbing as his gaze suddenly wandered, left Elhokar’s eyes to travel over his body, from head to toe and back up again, causing the king to shiver under his scrutiny.

 

”I … I wanted to take you up on your  - earlier offer.” Kaladin swallowed. 

 

And took another step forward. 

 

Then he halted.

 

Storming man.

 

”Too bad you didn’t come earlier”, Elhokar muttered. ”I would have told my other lover to stay away,  and he wouldn’t have to be hiding under the bed right now.”

 

”Very clever”, Kaladin grunted. ”Not nearly as foolish as they say you are, huh?”

 

”Been around you too much.”

 

An amused snort in reply.

 

”Kaladin?”

 

”Yes?”

 

”Is this … still what you want?” He gestured vaguely towards, well, himself, biting back a strange feeling of guilt.

 

And then the captain took that final step and reached him. 

 

Several things happened at once, quickly; Kaladin wrapped his arms around him, somewhat clumsily, the touch of his calloused hands sending shivers up Elhokar’s bare back; the captain pressed his lips to the king’s in an equal parts awkward and hungry kiss; Elhokar made a sound, low, in the back of his throat, some sort of needy grunt that would have embarrassed him to no end if he’d been thinking clearly; and suddenly he was being backed up against the wall again, taking him back to that storming weapon storage and -

 

Damnation -

 

\- he wanted  _ more _ .

 

It did not go very smoothly,  at first. 

 

Their mouths more collided than kissed, in the beginning. They  touched almost timidly, as if the other would run from the room screaming at any given moment.

 

No, not very smoothly at first. But then …

 

Kaladin ran a hand trough Elhokar’s hair. He mumbled something that Elhokar did not hear in a dark, gravelly voice that severely threatened Elhokar’s sanity, and their kissing grew hungrier, more ferocious. Kaladin abandoned his mouth, leaving Elhokar gasping for breath, earning him a rare chuckle from the captain, who was kissing a trail down his neck, hands on the king’s shoulders as if to keep him in place.

 

The captain’s mouth traveled lower, finding the king’s collarbone, his chest, smooth, clean-shaven, a low rumble rising from within as Kaladin planted chaste kisses to it, having to lean down to make up for the height difference. 

 

Elhokar didn’t mind.

 

His hands locked around Kaladin’s head, the grip he had on the captain’s hair tightening the lower the kisses travelled. The captain let go of his shoulders, hands tracing the trail his mouth had made, the touch setting Elhokar’s skin ablaze. Stubble on the captain’s cheek tickled the king’s stomach, and Elhokar felt somewhat drunk on the sensation.

 

Kaladin’s kisses went lower.

And lower still.

 

He paused just short of the king’s breeches, abruptly robbing them both of the heat of skin on skin. The captain pulled back, slowly rising until he stood straight once more, staring down into Elhokar’s eyes with a heated intensity.

Handsome, in that ragged, unique way of his, his features blurry in the dimness of the chamber,

 

Kaladin raised an eyebrow in silent question.

 

Elhokar, even when … distracted, knew what that meant.

 

_ You realize that once we cross that line, there will be no return. _

 

_ Is this what you want? _

 

Elhokar, meeting the captain’s eyes with the purest form of sincerity, simply nodded.

 

It felt like a plea.

 

The captain slowly, as if in ceremony, still looking him in the eyes, got down on his knees.

 

And from there…

 

From there …

 

Well, Elhokar thought it all went quite smoothly from there.


	13. Come Back To Bed

Kaladin woke with a start, heaving himself up, grabbing for purchase in the too soft bedding. A moment of brief confusion as to where he was. His searching hand found a warm arm. Elhokar’s. 

 

Storms, he had fallen asleep. The sun had just started to peek up against the horizon when Kaladin had barged into the king’s sleeping chambers, now it shone through the windows, almost blinding. It must be near midday. 

 

Kaladin wasn’t joking when he said he hadn’t slept at all. Still, he had gone longer time without sleep. But there had been something so very comfortable in laying next to Elhokar, that sleep had taken him without asking. 

 

He turned his head to gaze at the sleeping king, laying in quite an undignified position, hair a mess, and -  to Kaladin’s great embarrassment - dark marks covering throat and collarbone. 

 

He scanned the room, his uniform thrown in a corner. While Kaladin wouldn’t be that missed, having put himself in the king’s guard for the day, Elhokar most definitely was supposed to be somewhere. 

 

And the guards…

 

Storms, he had almost forgotten about them. Outside, most certainly wondering what kind of “urgent talk” took this long. He covered his eyes with his hand, groaning as he imagined the cover story he had to spin

 

He should probably—

 

A hand suddenly rested on his arm, halting Kaladin. He met Elhokar’s barely open eyes. “Stay” The warm grip tightening just a fraction. 

 

Kaladin was in deeper trouble than he thought. He smiled, putting his own hand on top of Elhokar’s. “You keep saying that”

 

“It’s because I mean it”

 

“Hm” Kaladin responded, to prevent himself from something embarrassing in return. He leaned towards Elhokar until he was hovering over the man. Kaladin’s hair fell down, almost tickling Elhokar’s face 

 

“And because you do not seem to think that I do” Elhokar continued, playing lightly with Kaladin’s hair. “Mean it” 

 

_ Yes, but for how long. _ Kaladin closed the distance, pressing their lips together, letting himself be pulled down atop Elhokar, warmth spreading as Elhokar’s hands roamed his back. Their kisses now weren't the unsure awkward ones, as they had been in that weapon storage. Kaladin didn't feel stupid in pressing for more, taking satisfaction in how Elhokar’s hands tightened on his back.

 

“And there is nowhere a king should be at this hour?” Kaladin breathed out, breaking the demanding kiss to apply lighter ones at Elhokar’s jawline. 

 

Elhokar groaned pressing his head back at the pillow as Kaladin re-explored his throat “Just a-ahh meeting”

 

It didn’t sound too important. None of the pressing matters seemed as important now.

 

Though Elhokar was never out of breath to complain. “One that will probably end up with Dalinar telling me how to run my kingdom, expecting not a hint of objection from me”

 

Kaladin stopped. “Wait, really?”

 

“I know, it’s preposterous. I can handle a strategic meeting without—“

 

“No” Kaladin interrupted “Is there a meeting? At this moment, with Dalinar, that you are supposed to take part of?”

 

Elhokar’s eyes darted right and left. “...No” 

 

“Storm it, Elhokar” Kaladin detangled himself to lay next to Elhokar again, eyes to the roof. “We should go then”

 

“I’m the king and I—“

 

“Which is exactly why you need to be there”

 

“I should be able to do what I want” Elhokar continued stubbornly. “I’ll probably do more damage than good anyway” 

 

Kaladin turned his head to give Elhokar a meaningful glare. Their eyes clashed for a moment until the king sighed with a defeated frown. 

 

Laying side by side, heads turned toward each other. “What are you going to do?” Elhokar asked, gesturing towards himself. “Drag me there?” 

 

“If I have to” 

 

Kaladin shouldn’t have said that, he quickly realized, as a challenge rose in Elhokar’s face alongside one of his eyebrows. “You wouldn’t”

 

“It’s my duty as the king’s guard” That made Elhokar snort. “What? You don’t think I take my duties seriously?” Kaladin said crossing his arm over the covers. 

 

“Actually, I think you take them too seriously. A good guard would simply obey the king’s want and command” Elhokar used his kingly voice that he really wasn't that good at. 

 

“A better guard would look past that, to push for what lays in the king’s best interest”

 

Elhokar rolled his eyes in a very unregal way. “It  _ is _ in my best interest to stay here” Elhokar rolled to his side, shuffling towards Kaladin, putting a hand on his solid chest. “With you” 

 

_ Storm that man.  _ It was so tempting to simply stay in bed while the day passed, forgetting duties and responsibilities. But no. It would raise suspicion, rumors. They would find out, and they would take. Like they had taken everything else.

 

Kaladin dodged Elhokar’s attempt at a kiss, awkwardly maneuvering himself out of the bed. He stumbled on the cold floor, going straight for his discarded clothing - feeling vulnerable in his undress without the warm comforting covers. 

 

He heard Elhokar making an annoyed sound from behind him.

 

Kaladin quickly put on his clothing, turning around to find Elhokar still in bed, not that he had expected anything different. “So, it has come to this?” 

 

Elhokar looked to his covers, as if contemplating he hide beneath them. He looked up as Kaladin started to take slow deliberate steps toward the bed. 

 

“You wouldn’t” Elhokar repeated his earlier challenge. 

 

“You know I am bound by duty, your majesty”. Kaladin took a hold of Elhokar’s ankles. “The longer we wait, the deeper we are digging our graves, and with the way you lie...we are probably buried already”

 

When Elhokar didn’t answer, Kaladin pulled at his ankles, as if to drag the king of the bed. 

 

“Fine!” Elhokar exclaimed with laughter in his voice. “Fine, I’m on my way” 

 

Kaladin averted his eyes as the king threw aside the covers to rise. Putting his back to Elhokar, he adjusted his uniform the best he could, trying to make himself look presentable. 

 

Soon, Elhokar strode up before him in his new uniform, sword at his waist. Elhokar appraised Kaladin’s appearance, a small smile appearing on his face, before he reached towards Kaladin with both hands to fix the collar. Elhokar retracted his hands, nodding. 

 

Kaladin held back a smile, lifting a hand to drag through Elhokar’s hair. It looked terrible. “I can’t help you with that” 

 

Elhokar batted away his hand. “Well, that is certainly  _ not _ helping” The king took to styling his hair, well, more like clumsily flattening it with his hands until he was satisfied. 

 

Now it looked worse. 

 

Kaladin nodded and they left. 


End file.
